The next time you are with three friends, I want you to do me a favor: look to the left, then to the right. One of them is bound to be what I like to call an Incredible SNATCHER™. You know, those who have been sent to negate all talent and confidence that has been earmarked and reserved for your success. Yup, an Incredible SNATCHER™.
But, before you get ahead of yourself, let me share something exciting with you. You NEED toxic people in your life. They have a distinct purpose that they serve – to catapult you into your next level.
I know that this can be hard to fathom, that’s why when I got Ken’s question, I knew just where to take it:
“Hi Darnyelle I’ve heard you say before that you have some strategies for dealing with the toxic people in your life. Can you please share some of those strategies with me because I am getting increasingly frustrated when my family hates on me as I try to become a better person and live my dream of having my own business.”
If you’ve ever experienced with Ken is going through, you’re gonna love my response. Check it out in this week’s episode of Incredible Factor TV.
As I share in the episode, this problem is so pressing that I am writing a book all about it. The book is called “Back Away From the Incredible SNATCHERS: Strategies for Successfully Managing Toxic People and Relationships So You Can Unleash Your Incredible Factor”™
At the end of the day, your Incredible SNATCHERS™ can’t help it. You see, they have what I like to call the “I knew you when” syndrome – they knew you when you were clowning around, unfocused, jumping on every bandwagon or every new idea as if it was your dream. But it’s okay that they knew you then and can’t recognize you now. In fact, that’s a good thing, and here’s how I recommend you deal with your Incredible SNATCHERS™:
1. Clearly identify your SNATCHERS™. The best way to do this is by completing my quarterly circle of influence assessment. You need to be clear and cognizant of the company you keep and attract. When you think of the people closest to you that you spend time around, share your goals and dreams with, and go to for advice or to talk things through, consider the following:
a. If when you think of them, you know they have your back and would do anything to support you, give them a +.
b. If when you think of them, you feel an incessant need to roll your eyes and you feel like they just don’t get you and that creates a constant disconnect, give them a -.
c. If when you think of them, it’s hit or miss whether they are for you or against you, give them a /.
Based on the results of the assessment that determines how much time you should look to engage with them. Now, if we are being honest, most of the time the minuses are your family. And while you can’t necessarily disown your family, you can reduce the amount of time you allow them to influence you. You don’t have to attend EVERY family function if it’s an environment that makes your skin crawl. I don’t even talk about myself or my goals when I am around mine. That way, I won’t have to deal with the hate. Often, your success is a mirror for their failure and while they mean you no harm, they can’t help it because you become a very present reminder of who they may never get up the courage to be. And when we are afraid, we attack. It is what it is, and that is why learning how to manage these interactions is pivotal to your success.
2. Be fully present at all times. If you are fully present in any environment, you’ll be able to pick up the energy around a possible SNATCHER. Actively listen, get a sense of what’s happening around you and make sure that the environment feels good to you. You know when you feel a shift in the atmosphere when you’re around certain people, right? It happened to me recently. I entered a relative’s home and immediately became uncomfortable. I knew that I was not going to be staying in that environment very long because it literally sucked the wind out of me as soon as I arrived. And you know what, I did what I came for and got out of there. When you know yourself well and have the confidence and personal belief and conviction in your goals and abilities, you’ll be able to manage these people in a cool, calm and collected sort of way. Remember to keep this mantra in the back of your mind: what they think of you is none of your business. It doesn’t matter what they think of you, it matters what you know to be true about yourself.
3. Supplement your time with like-minded people. For the time you would have spent with your SNATCHERS™ before you realized the impact that was having on your ability to achieve your goals, you can now re-assign that time to like minded people. In last week’s episode of Incredible Factor TV, I shared some tips for finding like minded people to hang out with.
BONUS: Make sure that you are not being a SNATCHER™to yourself. As the saying goes, check yourself before you wreck yourself. As I will go into detail about in my new book, we are our biggest Incredible SNATCHER. Our subconscious fears and beliefs stifle our conscious success each and every day until we learn how to manage them. So, be sure that you are taking time to connect, clarify and confirm who you are, whose you are and what you’ve been sent here to do. Unless you have personal power, confidence and an action plan to do your work, you will get snatched by yourself.
So, now I want to hear from you. What’s your two cents? How do you manage the toxic people in your life? What strategies have worked or haven’t worked for you? Would you be able to recognize a toxic person purely from the energy shift?
©2013 by Darnyelle A. Jervey. All Rights Reserved. Darnyelle A. Jervey, MBA, The Incredible Factor Speaker, Business Coach and Marketing Mentor, is the founder of Incredible One Enterprises.com, Incredible Factor University® and the Leverage Your Incredible Factor System®, a proven step-by-step program for more clients, more income and more leverage in your business. For more information and a FREE audio CD “7 Critical Mistakes Entrepreneurs Must Avoid When Unleashing Your Incredible Factor So You Attract More Clients, Make More Money and Gain More Leverage” just fill out the form below.