We’ve all done it. In fact, I won’t make this about you. I will keep it all about me.
I’ve done it. I remember it distinctly. When I first started my business, I was trying to be just like someone else. A carbon copy. I studied their every move. Or, at least what I could see.
The problem. It didn’t feel good to me and I’m sure I looked like an a$$ as well, assuming anyone even noticed. I was inauthentic, a phony. And there was nothing “Incredible” about me.
Then, I’d get a little green when I’d see people who weren’t nearly as talented as I was, experience what I’d been praying for. Hint: this is part of the reason I was so stifled in my business in the early days. And, it could be why your business isn’t where you want it to be….
Now, knowing what your competitors are doing for market research purposes is one thing, but somehow I doubt that that’s why you’re playing the comparison game.
Acknowledgement is the first step. Repeat after me, “Hi, My name is ____________ and I’m a compare-aholic.” Just saying it aloud should stir up some emotions for you, like it did for me.
But then, I clearly heard my spirit tell me that I was created to stand out – not look just like ANYONE else. It was interesting how that one thought started me on my journey to find my voice, my truth and how to use my truth in the marketplace.
I was an arduous process but I wouldn’t trade a thing.
That’s exactly why when I saw Sam’s question, I was excited for an opportunity to keep it real.
“Hi Darnyelle, I have to admit, I am getting very frustrated in my business. I’ve been at this a long time but I am just not seeing the traction I think I should see. I know I shouldn’t be BUT I have to admit that I do constantly compare myself to other people who do what I do and appear to be very successful. When I get to comparing myself, it stifles me. I get unsure of my abilities and therefore I do nothing. So my question, is how can I stop comparing myself and start working my business so that I make more money?”
Watch my response to Sam’s question here:
The bottom line is this: You won’t produce your true genius UNTIL you rely FULLY on your gifts, strengths and talents and the creator who gave them to you. You won’t serve the world in a way that is transformational or newsworthy. You won’t change lives, either. As long as you are trying to do what has already been done, exactly how someone else is doing it, you’ll be stuck, broke and broken.
But, it could change as soon as you’re ready to do something different.
Here are my tips to help you with your inner Incredible SNATCHER and the need to compare:
1. Unplug from everything that isn’t serving you. Remove the distractions so that you can FOCUS on you, your gifts and your business. You might need to spend less time on social media and more time connecting with people who are ready to hire you via traditional networking, speaking and connecting.
2. Create an environment for quiet time to reflect, create and affirm. Don’t rush to start your day, ease into it by spending a focused 20 minutes as soon as you wake up setting an intention. If you don’t meditate, this could be a great practice to introduce so that you center yourself and focus on YOU and not THEM. Additionally, you’ve got to clarify your why. And focus on your strengths.
3. Deal with your true fears. You’re comparing yourself to others because you don’t believe in yourself. Your inner Incredible SNATCHER will keep popping up until you face each fear, invalidate them and position yourself to no longer be held hostage by those fears. You may need a coach to help you sift through your fears and create an action plan.
4. Spend more time in gratitude; remember when we are grateful, we can’t be afraid. Gratitude is the abundance equalizer. When you are grateful, you are asking God to show you more examples of his grace in your life. It will lift your funk, remove your need to compare and position you to add value in all areas.
5. Put your blinders on. Run your race. I want you to grab your sunglasses and two pieces of paper. I want you to thread a piece of paper on either side of the sunglasses. What should happen is that you now have a blind spot on either side of you. When you put your blinders on, you’ll be forced to focus and look ahead of you – not left or right. And that means you won’t be able to see anything that could offer comparison.
Now, I want to hear from you, what’s your two cents? How often do you find yourself comparing yourself to others? How do you stop and refocus on what is most important in those moments? What can you share to help Sam? Please share your two cents by leaving a comment below.
©2013 by Darnyelle A. Jervey. All Rights Reserved. Darnyelle A. Jervey, MBA, The Incredible Factor Speaker, Business Coach and Marketing Mentor, is the founder of Incredible One Enterprises.com, Incredible Factor University® and the Leverage Your Incredible Factor System®, a proven step-by-step program for more clients, more income and more leverage in your business. For more information and a FREE audio CD “7 Critical Mistakes Entrepreneurs Must Avoid When Unleashing Your Incredible Factor So You Attract More Clients, Make More Money and Gain More Leverage” just fill out the form below.