If there was ever a question that came into www.askdarnyelle.com that I don’t know if I should answer it, it’s this week’s blog post! HA!
This week we are talking about relationships and being in business. I have to admit, I’m a little out of pocket on this one but I’m going to share my two cents anyway…
A little background would probably be helpful. I’m a successful business owner who is single. But I don’t want to be single; I want nothing more than to have a love to share my life. But it hasn’t happened for me yet. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated. But the right guy for me has yet to “sweep me off my feet.”
And believe it or not, I’m okay, I don’t mind waiting because I could’ve settle a long time ago if it was just about being in a relationship.
Yup, I said yet. I truly believe that God is cooking up a great man for me, so I’m spending my time now making sure that I am ready when he’s done. You see, many of us aren’t doing our work and making sure that we are the best versions of ourselves, but that isn’t my story. I’m doing my work and becoming better.
That’s why when Blake (my creative director) asked me this question, my natural inclination was, “Hell if I know?!” Here’s his question:
“Hi Darnyelle. How does one manage between being career driven and having a relationship or love life?”
You can see my response to Blake’s question here:
As I share in the episode, I think that we all make time for whatever we deem to be important. So, if being in a relationship is a priority for you, you’ll make time to get out and meet prospective mates.
Here are a few tips that I am using that are attracting dates, even though I still haven’t located my one yet; and as I say, try them on… if they fit, rock it!
1. Get clear about what makes you “the one.” This is a concept that I believe that we often forget. We are so busy looking for him or her that we forget to make sure that we are him or her! Do your work. Take the time to make sure that you are going to be someone’s special someone and are really ready for all that goes along with that. We think about relationships like we see in the movies, but I can assure you having been in a few in my life, they are not fairytales and you need to be ready to do the work.
2. Create your ideal mate description. Think job description: who do they need to be, what do they need to do and how will you reward them (smile). Seriously, what gets written down gets attended to and what gets attended to gets done, so be sure to write down what’s most important to you in the other person. Think of it as placing your order from God and His abundant universe. He can bring you a mate or He can bring you an exceptional mate who will add value and not drama to your life. You decide by writing it down.
3. Be intentional about being found. Start by asking yourself what you’re willing to give up to bring this person into your life? What are you willing to change? Then, make sure that you are getting out as it’s not likely that he or she are going to come and ring your doorbell. You have to have a life and have fun because you will likely attract them while you are doing your life. So don’t fret, get up and get out and go do something.
4. Create space in your life for that special someone. This was big for me. I cleared half my closet, emptied a dresser drawer, cleaned half the garage, I even started making dinner each night all to demonstrate to God that in addition to being a successful business owner, I wanted to be a successful girlfriend and then wife. Oh, and there’s an empty picture frame on my nightstand that will one day hold our wedding photo. I started becoming cognizant of when I worked and when I stopped so that I don’t have to find a place for him when he arrives, there will already be a place carved out for him.
5. Go on lots of dates. It will take longer to find the one if you only date every once in a while. So you’ve got to get out there, meet people, be approachable, smile and get numbers.
6. Have fun while you’re waiting. This is so important because if your energy is contrary to your words, you’ll delay receiving what you want. And no one wants to be with an unhappy person so be happy, live your best life and enjoy your singleness. Savor every minute of your life because tomorrow may never come and you want to experience all that life has for you today just in case.
Fine Print: I am not a relationship coach, nor do I play one on TV. As a person who is still figuring this out for myself, I have hired others to help me and I recommend that you consider the same.
So ask yourself these final questions:
1. Have you taken the time to get clear about what an ideal relationship looks like for you?
2. And have you determined what you’re willing to give up in order to have a loving relationship and a thriving career?
I believe that you don’t have to choose one or the other – I believe you can have it all but you have to be willing to do the work and make the necessary adjustments. You’ll also have to set clear expectations for yourself and your boo so that they are clear when you need to focus on a project, etc…
Now I want to hear from you, what’s your two cents?: How have you focused on having a love life and thriving career? What would you recommend to Blake and others in our community asking the same question?
©2013 by Darnyelle A. Jervey. All Rights Reserved. Darnyelle A. Jervey, MBA, The Incredible Factor Speaker, Business Coach and Marketing Mentor, is the founder of Incredible One Enterprises.com, Incredible Factor University® and the Leverage Your Incredible Factor System®, a proven step-by-step program for more clients, more income and more leverage in your business. For more information and a FREE audio CD “7 Critical Mistakes Entrepreneurs Must Avoid When Unleashing Your Incredible Factor So You Attract More Clients, Make More Money and Gain More Leverage” just fill out the form below.