I was talking with my mother the other day and she was a little distraught because she felt like she was being pulled in too many directions in the name of love. The coach in me immediately kicked in and I began to ask her direct, probing questions to get to the root of the concern she was feeling as well as to help her work through this occurence so that she could find release. She said, “I just want to help everybody, but it seems like no one wants to help me.” I said, mom what do you mean? She said, “there seems to be no boundaries in this thing and I am the one who loses.”
How many of you have felt the same way? I understand how you feel. I’ve been there, done that and gotten the t-shirt. But what I found was that by establishing my worth and what I would do as a result of my worth, I could set boundaries that ensure that interactions with loved ones became a win/win situation.
“But you don’t understand, Coach Darnyelle,” I can hear you say. But I do understand and that is why I’m writing this blog today.
My mom pricked my spirit because she is one of the most loving women I know. She’d give you the shirt off her back if it would make you smile or feel secure. Most of us women are the same way. I know sometimes we get a bad rep over being too strong, but it is the strength in you that makes it possible for all who come into your space to feel the love that knows no limits. Yet, here I am suggesting that you set some.
For your sanity.
Stop. Drop. Love. It’s that simple.
Stop – when you feel taxed and out of control and you feel compelled to say yes because your yes will ensure it gets done effectively. STOP. Take a moment or two or three and reflect on what adding another thing to your plate will do to your plate. Where is your “me” time? How will you get your “Me” time if you consistently do for others before yourself. Now, let me clear, I believe in serving others but I also believe in everything in proper order and perspective.
Drop – drop the rules of engagement for the task being brought to you. Remember, no one can make you feel anxious or out of balance without your consent. Drop the act that you are okay that they are asking you to do something that someone else could do. You may be manipulated to think it can’t be done if you don’t do it. Don’t buy into that, if it is as essential as they claim, someone will rise up to do it.
Love – even when you say “no” or in everything that you do, do it in love. When you live from your heart, it will always be your desire to offer love, kind, life affirming words and challenges into the lives of others. Just because you are saying “no, not this time,” doesn’t mean that you can’t do it in love and maintain the relationship if that is your desire. Most of us take on more tasks in fear – fear that we will somehow lose the relationship or position if we don’t act. One question….do you really want it if that’s a possibility?
Darnyelle A. Jervey is a certified life coach, professional speaker and author committed to helping women who are struggling to find the balance of their PACE (Passion Abundance Confidence Expectation). As the founder and CEO of Incredible One Enterprises, a full service empowerment firm in Newark, DE, she is more than a motivator, she imparts skills, strategies and solutions to define and unleash the Incredible in you. Recently featured in the January 2010 issue of Black Enterprise Magazine, her Burn the Box Coaching Program is transforming the lives of women nationwide. For more information or to request your FREE 30-minute coaching consultation, please visit https://www.incredibleoneenterprises.com
Copyright (c) 2010 Darnyelle A. Jervey All Rights Reserved